When Your Girlfriend Starts Throwing Out Your Crap

Thoughts Off The Stem | Cannabis Infused Comedy

0:07

You ever had just like a nice long weekend with your girlfriend?

Everything was was stellar.

It was amazing.

You had all the laughs, you had all the fun times, and everything was good.

And then she went home after the weekend and you’re lying in bed on a Monday morning, getting ready to get out of bed for work and wishing that you could have the weekend back.

0:26

Then you get in the shower.

The next thing you know, you’re washing your parts.

You finish cleaning your ass, you look up and boom, there’s a shower rat sitting on the wall face to face, looking at you.

Yeah, a clump of her hair.

She left it as a little token of, you know, to remember her by.

It doesn’t smell good.

0:42

Like, I like coming into my room or my bed after my girlfriend’s been there and smelling her.

I like that.

I like that feeling, Right?

But that’s not what the hair smells like.

The hair smells like dirty hair, dirty, wet hair.

And it’s right there.

It’s disgusting, dude.

Yeah, that’s right.

You ever had that happen?

0:59

It could be your partner.

I don’t know if guys do this.

I’m bald.

So like, I don’t really know what the deal is with the hair on the wall, but it’s been a thing.

And I should have known ahead of time because I I when I was at her place, I was in her shower and her shower smaller than mine.

So like, you turn around, you can only turn right?

1:16

Like, you can’t move.

Like, my shower, you could do.

Like, you can do activities in it, you know what I’m saying?

But in hers, you can only move her.

And I remember one time again, cleaning myself, and then, boom, shower hair just staring me in the face.

I did not know women do this.

Women take the hair that falls out of their head when they’re showering, and they put it on the wall so it doesn’t fall down the drain later.

1:37

Yeah, that’s right.

Welcome to relationships, and welcome to THOUGHTS Off the STEM.

I’m Justin Baroni.

I hope that life’s being good to you.

Thank you for joining me for the sesh.

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Like share.

Tell me what you think of this whole situation because I’m just trying to make you laugh and give you a little knowledge at the same time.

1:57

So I had this.

So my girlfriend was over for the weekend.

I found a shower rat in my shower and I freaked the fuck out and just about landed face first in the toilet.

Yeah, that’s right.

But how about this?

OK, how about when you get out of the shower?

It’s Monday, right?

So you get out of the shower, you go, you’re going off to do to work, you’re getting ready for the day.

2:16

You feel great, feel clean, you feel amazing because of the weekend and all that fun stuff.

Then about 10:00 AM, it’s time for your 10 AM dump.

OK.

And as you’re walking to the bathroom, you’re like, oh, it doesn’t feel so good down there, but I’m clean.

I don’t know what’s happening.

And as you sit down and take this dump, you realize that there is a hair flossing your ass crack.

2:37

Yeah, I’ve had that happen.

Have you had that happen?

Their hair gets everywhere.

Dude, you’re lying in bed, you wake up, hair in your ass.

That’s right.

So she’s got, so her hair is taking a ride on my caboose.

It’s like a hobo trying to catch a train, okay, And I’m trying to take a dump, but then I have to pull out this hair.

2:58

Now, luckily, the hair I noticed first, so I wasn’t pulling the shitty hair out of my ass crack, right?

But then I didn’t realize that sometimes that hair comes with a little buddy.

And that little buddy, guess what that little buddy is?

That little buddy’s a Bond villain.

3:14

And guess what he’s going to do?

He’s going to strangle the conductors, the conductors of that caboose.

Who are those conductors?

Your balls, your balls are getting strangled by a hair Bond villain.

It is not fun, dude.

OK, I was sitting there.

3:30

I this this happened to me.

I went, I went to take my dump, OK.

And then I felt like the the caboose was being flossed.

And then after I got that floss gone, all of a sudden I feel like a little bit of constraint around the danglies, you know, and then around the danglies.

3:48

What’s happening?

Oh, it’s being killed by some sort of international man of mystery.

And it was it’s it’s the Hare brothers.

The Hare brothers were trying to take me from the back and the front all at one time.

I mean, smart move on their part.

4:04

It’s two against one.

But let me tell you, it was not comfortable.

You know what the other problem kind of thing?

The one of you know what the other issue is with having a girlfriend?

They change everything dude.

My bedroom looked totally different a year and a half ago.

4:22

My whole house did for that matter.

But my bedroom definitely looked totally different.

So before my girlfriend OK my bedroom was a queen size bed.

Just some regular slap blinds, a whole area for activities where I could do cartwheels, jumping jacks, swing my Dick around naked, whatever I wanted to do.

4:43

And then in the corner I had a kettlebell and some weights.

Because you got to keep a little bit toned, you know?

Well, now my bedroom is full.

There’s no room for activities.

The activities have to happen on the bed.

Not that I’m mad at that, but I’m just saying there’s no extra space.

5:02

I now have a king size bed, OK, where the kettlebell and the weights used to be.

I now have, wait for it, a bar fridge.

That’s right.

Now, luckily my girlfriend loves me.

And on top of the fridge is whiskey cups, a decanter full of whiskey.

5:19

I think she put that up there just so that she could get me to have the whiskey so that I would forget about all the space that she’s taken over.

Yeah, that’s right.

Now, there’s good things about this.

Like, I mean, she’s in, she’s made a a huge impact on my life.

5:34

She’s influenced.

My room is more confident.

It’s like a sanctuary now.

It’s amazing.

But it’s also like a hotel room.

Dude, I have curtains.

I have blackout curtains.

Now.

Now, again, don’t get me wrong, I love the blackout curtains because it means we can sleep in later.

And I don’t like sunlight in the morning because I’m not a morning person.

5:53

But these are not things that I would would have done myself.

Have you ever had a girlfriend that just decides, OK, we’re changing everything?

She told me the other day she’s like, I fixed you.

Great.

Thanks for fixing me.

I didn’t realize I was broken.

6:13

Again, I love her.

She does.

She does a ton of stuff, but her idea of fun and it’s But this weekend was the epitome of it.

We’re sitting on the couch having coffee, just hanging out with the dog.

Then all of a sudden she just puts her coffee down.

She’s like, OK, time to clean, time to clean behind the stove in the fridge.

And now within 10 minutes, we’re pulling out the stove in the fridge and we’re cleaning up behind there.

6:32

That’s not my idea of fun.

My idea of fun is going out somewhere and doing some fun things, right?

No, we’re cleaning.

Cleaning is fun for her.

Organizing is fun for her.

One thing that I realized is that in your bathroom, if you’re a dude and you have a bathroom and a girlfriend, your bathroom is no longer yours.

6:50

Like none of that storage is going to be yours.

Under my sink in my vanity.

I used to have, well, I still do because, but it’s very, it’s minimal now because I refuse to get rid of it.

But I had the boxes for all my razors and stuff, like my head shavers and all that because I got a few of them and I thought this was a great idea.

7:07

I thought, you know what’s awesome having these is, is that if I ever move, I could just pack them into the boxes.

I know where they are.

I thought it was brilliant.

She she thinks that it’s stupid because you could just get more boxes.

I thought it was a good move, but now it doesn’t matter because all my boxes are tucked to the side and the back of the of the vanity cupboards.

7:26

And now I have hair curlers, Combs.

I don’t need a comb.

I’m bald.

OK, hair curlers, Combs, lotions.

How many lotions do you need?

Like come on now you have.

I had to put up an extra shelf in the shower because the the shelf that I had was not good enough.

7:44

And then my stuff got moved off the shelf to the floor of the shower.

Like all my shit is just, it’s my shit.

But it’s now it’s where the dog shit would be OK.

But again, I love my girlfriend.

She’s great.

She’s made a great impact on my life and I couldn’t imagine, not like having her around.

8:04

But everything has changed.

My house is cleaner again, not complaining about it.

But like I my version of fun is not vacuuming on Saturday evening, you know, or putting together like different shit she bought me.

If you’re watching this, you could see she bought me this display, my cabinet, because the old one I had, the thing I had in there before was crap and I know that.

8:25

But thank you for that.

She she does provide me with a lot of good things, but the amount of space that I have is definitely diminishing in my own home.

It’s being slowly taken over by her stuff.

So I figured since we have this situation and I’m sure a lot of guys go through this, I mean, girls probably do this too.

8:47

There’s got to be guys out there that, you know, take over space and try to try to fix the situation.

But I thought what we would do is because a lot of these actions that that relationships or people in relationships experience can be somewhat taxing and they can they can definitely like amp up anxiety, right?

9:10

So I thought what would be fun for this week’s weed facts is to talk about what terp profiles or at least what terpenes you should look for in your flower or whatever smoking whatever thing you’re going to smoke.

What, what terpenes you should have in there to help you alleviate anxiety, especially if you have, you know, social anxiety or constant anxiety or consistent anxiety, right?

9:39

So if you find that you are suffering from anxiety and your girlfriend is really pushing that anxiety, you know, level higher and higher by getting rid of all your favorite crap, OK, These are the terpenes that you should that you should look for in the profiles of your purchases.

9:59

Attention cannabis consumers.

Attention cannabis consumers.

This week’s weed facts are from canopycrossroad.com/blog slash Best terps terpenes for anxiety The best terpenes for anxiety relief I think there is.

10:16

There’s 1234.

So the first one is actually Lymanine, which surprised me because Lymanine is the one that gives you like those citrusy notes and scents and smells and, and tastes, right.

10:33

And to me that’s always been associated with like energetic get things done kind of a kind of response, right.

Well, this article is saying that limonine, well let me describe it first.

Limonine is the bright citrusy terpene found in lemon peels, orange rinds and many cannabis strains.

10:53

So if you have that that citrusy smell, it’s because limonines in there.

In a 2024 study published in Drug and Alcohol Dependence, it found that when participants inhaled vaporized deliminine alongside THC, their ratings of feeling anxious and paranoid were significantly lowered compared to just THC alone.

11:16

The study by Spindle ET al at Johns Hopkins tested 20 healthy adults across 9 sessions.

The researchers noticed noted that limonene selectively reproduced sorry selectively reduced anxiety without diminishing TH CS other effects.

11:35

According to John Hopkins Medicine, this finding provides clinical evidence for the entourage effect and suggests that cannabis products high in limonene could offer a wider therapeutic window for those concerned about THC induced anxiety.

So if you have, there’s a couple things here, OK?

11:53

First of all, if you have anxiety and you’re trying to smoke weed to alleviate some of your anxiety, you’re going to find that most of the time you’re going to have to look for an indica.

Even though there’s debate, excuse me, even though there’s debate on whether indica and sativas are actually things anymore for reference because of the ones that relax you, right?

12:15

So those are the types of plants that you’re going to find a lot of these terpenes in.

So that’s one of the big things.

No matter what, you’re going to end up with a probably indica leaning plant in in one way or another because it has to reduce, it has to relax you to reduce the anxiety, right?

So what you need to look for is strains with citrus, lemon or orange in the name because they often contain higher limonene levels.

12:38

Ask a can of Coach or your bud Tender about the terpene profiles when you’re shopping for the flower or vapes because they’re going to know which ones or at least the newer or better products that you can use that are more effective.

So the other thing, where was it?

12:56

I there was something that made that jumped out at me, the entourage effect.

So no matter what, a terpene is not going to do the whole thing, right?

A terpene is not going to be the the component of the plant that totally alleviates anxiety with weed.

13:13

It’s the entourage effect.

All the different things, whether there’s different cannabinoids, terpenes and and THC, those three things make up the entourage effect.

Essentially, you want to have for relaxation, you want to have, you know, a medium level of THC, something that’s going to be more of a body buzz.

13:32

Then you want to have like maybe a tiny percentage of CBD in there just to give you that, that waiting through water feeling, which is nice and relaxing.

And then your terpene profile, depending on the percentages of each terpene together with, you know, the, the CBD and the THC that makes up what, what will reduce your anxiety.

13:54

That’s what I wanted to say.

So the second terpene that you want to look for, which in my opinion is the better, is the most important one because this one is specific to indicas and making you more relaxed.

Linalool, it’s called nature’s calming agent.

14:10

Linalool is the terpene responsible for lavender’s famous relaxing scent.

It is also found in many cannabis strains, particularly those with floral or slightly spicy aromas.

So linalool you can actually find in strains like purple kush is good.

14:26

Most Kushes have have linalool.

You want you want linalool and and pineene to be up near the top of the terpene profile, meaning that they have a higher percentage in the terpene list because those are the ones that affect you the most in terms of relaxation and calming.

14:44

OK, so let’s see here.

A comprehensive review published in PMC found that linalool increases extracellular serotonin levels by blocking serotonin transporters, essentially helping your brain hold on to more of its natural feel good chemicals.

15:02

A 2024 study in Natural Product Communications demonstrated that inhaled linalool promotes parasympathetic nervous system dominance.

The parasympathetic system is your body’s rest and digest mode, the opposite of the fight or flight response that characterizes anxiety.

15:20

So again, these are the things that you want.

You want your, if you’re high anxiety, your anxiety is up because you’re in a state of fight or flight, right?

You want to, you want to alleviate that, stop that from happening and get that rest and digest level of comfort, right?

15:37

Because like, nobody wants to be all strung out all the time.

So research public, sorry.

Research published in Phyto Medicine showed that mice exposed to inhale linalule exhibited reduced anxiety and social interaction tests and decreased aggressive behavior, further supporting its I don’t know how to say this word anxiolytic potential, your potential for being anxious, it reduces it.

16:07

Now they just gave mice linolul.

But essentially, again, you can’t just inhale linolul and calm down.

Though you could light a lavender candle and over time you’ll feel some of the calming effect because when you get those terpenes hit the air and they hit your nose and they they get in there your brain sends gets that message and then all of a sudden the receptors flood and you start to start to find a a base level of relaxation, right.

16:30

So when you’re smoking weed you want to make sure that there are a multitude of components You just don’t want one or two things If you’re really heavy and linalool you may pass out.

There’s a lot of weed that’s used medically, especially for cancer patients.

16:46

Sorry that try to reduce the effects of some of their treatments and linalool can really null that out or numb that out and the next thing you know you you’re asleep on the couch snoring with the cat, right?

So what you want to look for in the in a linalool strain is strains that are described as floral, lavender or slightly spicy often contain they often contain littleool.

17:14

Many indica varieties are rich in that terpene, like I said #3 beta cariophylline, and this one’s pretty common.

It can be in a lot of different types of weed, but it is definitely common in indicas as well.

So it’s called the unique cannabinoid terpene.

17:30

Beta cariophylline is it directly activates your CB2 cannabinoid receptors, the same receptors that CBD interacts with.

Research published published in Physiology and Behavior demonstrated that beta cariophylline produces again this word anxiolytic and antidepressant effects through CB2 receptors activate receptor activation.

17:55

Because CB2 receptors are primarily found in the immune system and peripheral tissues rather than the brain, beta karyophylline provides calming effects without any intoxication.

This terpene has a spicy, peppery, woody aroma.

Think kind of black pepper or cloves.

18:13

So what you want to look for is strains with earthy, spicy or peppery notes.

Beta cariophylline is common in many popular varieties and is also abundant in black pepper, which people use to help counteract THD and THC induced anxiety.

18:28

So if you’re having like a green out or you’re freaking out, a lot of people say take some sugar, take, you know, smell some pepper and it’s supposed to ZAP you out of it #4 Is mirecine the relaxation foundation?

Mirecine is the most abundant terpene in modern cannabis varieties, often comprised, comprising more than 20% of the strain’s terpene profile.

18:52

It has an earthy, musky aroma with hints of fruit.

Research published in Phytomedicine demonstrated mirecine sedative and muscle relaxant properties.

The study by Doval ET al.

Found that Miocene produced motor relax relaxing effects and increased barbiturate barbiturate sleeping time by approximately 2.6 times in mice.

19:20

While studies specifically on Miocene and anxiety are more limited than the Lyman lymanine or little linolule, its ability to promote physical relaxation contributes to the overall calming effect of indica dominant strains.

Meyersine is also believed to enhance the permeability of cell membranes, potentially allowing cannabinoids to take effect more quickly and efficiently.

19:44

So basically it’s like the liaison between cannabinoids, terpenes, THC to the the affected area, your receptors to your affected receptors, right, to get a better quality result.

So what to look for?

20:00

Earthy musky strains, particularly indicas, again, tend to be high in mirecine.

They’re not all.

So you got to check and don’t confuse mirecine with farnesine because farnesine sometimes I’ve found gives you a headache.

So what you want to know about some of these picking a strain or what type you need.

20:20

So the OR sorry how you’re going to smoke it, not the strains.

When you’re picking the method of smoking, these are a couple things you need to know.

So if you’re going to different consumption methods deliver terpenes differently.

Flour offers the full terpene profile when vaporized at low temperatures.

20:37

Higher heat destroys delicate terpenes, so the hotter it is, the less likely you’re going to get the full terpene profile.

When you feel when you get that burnt flavor, that’s when you cook cooked it too much.

When you have that nice tasty, distinct flavor, fruity, whatever it is, that’s when you know you’ve cooked at the right amount vapes.

20:58

So live resin or full spectrum options are the better ones because live resin or full spectrum, they preserve the terpenes.

The thing you got to watch for in some of that is some of that the terpenes that they use in that they actually load into the the the product there.

21:17

It’s not always natural.

So double check that before you do it.

If you get a live resin, it’s, it’s more likely to be natural than it is If you, you, if you have like a distillate, some distillates they, they take terpenes in a bottle and then they inject it into the mixture so that you get that flavor and that smell.

21:37

Go for live resin or full spectrum.

Those ones are the better ones.

Edibles terpenes are often lost during processing though, and some brands add them back in.

Just like I was saying for the vapes, they do that for the edibles as well.

But I guess, yeah, when you’re when they’re cooking edibles because of the heat that you need and and the consistency of everything, you lose the terpenes.

21:59

Tinctures, full spectrum tinctures remain more to retain more terpenes than isolates.

So tinctures are good like different, different oils.

Like, I have a CBG oil that that really does have a distinct taste to it.

22:16

Yeah.

So those are the things that you need to know about what you should use for anxiety and what you should look for if you’re trying to find a flower.

That, or trying to find a product that will help you alleviate some of that anxiety as your girlfriend takes over your life.

22:32

Attention cannabis consumer.

Attention cannabis consumer.

Don’t get me wrong, I love everything that my girlfriend has done for me.

I just think some of these things are really weird.

It’s it’s terrifying waking up and then you turn around in the shower and you’re facing like a, you know, a, a matted mask of hair.

22:52

It’s gross.

It also has a bit of a stank to it because it’s wet hair just sitting there hanging out, like, hey buddy, what are you doing?

Just chilling out in your shower.

I do hate the fact that I don’t know if hates the right word, but I definitely dislike the fact that all my boxes are being made fun of.

23:07

I thought that was a good idea.

Dude.

I want to keep my boxes and we do weird shit too.

Like I watched I watched these TikTok videos and I see all these these girlfriends who sit and complain about their boyfriends or their husbands smacking their ass when they walk by walk by.

23:27

My girlfriend is the best for that because she gets mad if I don’t do it.

I could be in public doesn’t matter doesn’t matter where I am.

I could smack that ass that’s right, she wants it all the time.

She wants all the ass smacking.

Now on the receiving end of that she does stick her finger in my butt quite often like if I’m walking or I bend over to pick something up.

23:47

You got to be real careful because she’ll just stick that pointer finger right in that boop boop and see if I’m.

I’m assuming she wants her hair back, so she’s digging back for her hair.

Every relationship has their weird shit dude.

And this week’s do for real segment.

24:03

That’s right.

Guess what it’s about.

Yep, the weird shit that couples do funny and weird things that they do.

So here we go, dude for real, dude for real, for real dude.

So this week’s Dude For Real segment is brought to you by thoughtcatalog.com/january Nelson slash 2019/11/30 Strange things Couples do that will weirdly make you want a relationship.

24:33

So I picked six of the best ones and I’ve left one for the end because this one’s my girlfriend’s 1 and I was like, what the hell is wrong with you?

So in this one there is These are the funny things that couples do.

So one, whenever he sneezes, I showed aggressive as aggressively as I can shut up, to which he responds even louder.

24:54

You shut up.

This is this is everywhere they go at home, in public, it doesn’t matter.

It’s gotten to the point where I consciously have to stop myself from shouting at anyone else who sneezes.

Do you find that?

I find that, that when we do things like my girlfriend and I, if we’re walking down the street, we talk loud, we talk aggressive.

25:15

Most people probably watch us and think we’re fighting.

We’re not.

We’re just, that’s who we are.

This person said.

This is what she does.

She, she, she shines a flashlight through her boyfriend’s stretched out ball skin and the light really does shine through it.

25:34

I my girlfriend asked me a lot of things about balls.

Like you ever done the bat wing?

I come out of the shower sometimes waggling my Dick.

Apparently that’s the thing, a lot of guys do that.

So there you go ladies.

We’re If you have a boyfriend that doesn’t waggle his Dick, do you really have the right dude?

25:52

I would let my girlfriend shine a light through my ball sack.

I think it would be funny, this person said.

We have a mating dance that’s gotten increasingly elaborate in the decade we’ve been together.

So the examples are slapping one’s own butt, doing the little horsey ride right, moving one’s arms like a Choo Choo train, and A1 handed clapping.

26:17

I don’t know how they do that.

I clap my neck, but I wouldn’t clap with my hand.

I would just slap my Dong against my leg.

Flat, flat, flat.

It’s like a guy’s version of twerking.

This person says #4 see, listens to his weird tummy sounds and then vocalizes them very loudly.

26:38

So I’m, I’m guessing because my girlfriend and I also do this, I put my head on her stomach and then you hear, you know, like it’s, that’s got to be a couple thing.

I feel like there’s a lot of people that probably do that.

We also compare like if sometimes you’ll hear my stomach do something and you’ll sometimes hear her stomach do something and then we’re like, do you hear it?

26:59

Do you hear it?

Do you hear that go.

And then we ask each other if we have farts and I squeeze her like ketchup #5 we often they off these people often stand in each other’s way for no reason other than to be annoying.

So like, I’m at you’re walking down the hall and they just step.

27:16

I do that.

I do that all the time.

If my girlfriend’s pissed off at me, I stand in front of her.

I don’t let her go anywhere.

That’s right, a kidnapper in space.

Now this one, this one is a little weird.

This one’s number six a penis drawings, this guy says.

27:32

I don’t remember who started it, but we hide the same penis drawing for the other one to find.

She put it in my suitcase when I went away on a hunting trip with my buddies, and I had to explain why I had a crudely drawn Wang on a sheet of notebook paper packed with my socks.

27:48

When I returned, I hit it in the bottom of her underwear drawer and it took her a few months to find it.

She then hit it somewhere and I haven’t found it yet.

That was five years ago.

She told me.

I’ll find it.

I’ll find it eventually, but I’m afraid of where it might be.

I have to.

I’ve told her that if she dies before me, she’s getting buried with it and I win.

28:09

I like that guy.

That guy nailed it.

My girlfriend’s weird thing is she likes to Watch Dogs poop.

Yep, make full contact.

Full eye contact baby.

That’s right, just just watching it.

It’s weird.

I caught her doing it the other day when she was staring out the back window.

28:27

Dude for real dude.

For real for real dude.

So the moral of the story for this week is pretty simple.

If your girlfriend improves your life, wash that anxiety away with some good solid indica weed and just let her do her thing.

28:44

Because no matter what, she’s going to make your life better.

Because let’s be honest, we’re dudes.

Most of us are dirty, lazy, and we don’t do a whole lot.

So if she’s making an impact on your life, that’s positive.

Let her have her things.

Let her take over your spaces.

29:01

That’s just the way it goes.

And that’s, I think a good part to a healthy relationship.

And those are my thoughts off the stem for this week.

I hope you enjoyed the sesh.

I would come back next week with me, Justin Peroni on thoughts off the stem.

If you enjoyed the sesh, subscribe, like share, tell your friends.

29:17

And yeah, that’s it until nexttime0checkouttalks420.com.

Until next time, keep your lids low baby