Breaking the Fart Barrier in Relationships – Episode 181 – | Thoughts Off The Stem podcast

Breaking the Fart Barrier in Relationships

0:11

Welcome to Fox Office Down.

I’m Justin Baroni, your friend, the neighborhood pothead.

And today, because I’m wearing all my Nugs gear, I figured what we do is we would try some Cuban link shatter in the student glass.

0:33

I really like that man.

It’s like my favorite thing.

It’s gotten rid of all my bongs.

So the Cuban links by Nugs is a sativa.

0:50

It is 78% THC.

It’s terpenoline, carophylline, humaline, and yeah, it’s a sativa.

1:05

It’s nice.

It tastes very lemony.

So if you like lemons, you might not like it, but the high is really sweet.

The high is pretty much like it’s a very clean high.

It’s intense, especially in the shatter and the flower I don’t find it quite as tense, but in the in the shatter I find it pretty intense.

1:22

So the question I had today was how long did it take you for your girlfriend to fart in front of you?

Because I’ve been trying to get my girlfriend to fart in front of me.

We’ve for like almost a year.

On June 15th, it’ll be our one year anniversary of knowing each other as she says.

So I’ve been trying lately just to get, I fart all the time.

1:42

Like not I don’t try to fart in front of her, but I definitely fart because like there’s been a couple times where at night, you know, you can’t control your shit.

And I’ve woken up to farting on her leg.

I did it the other day.

1:58

Generally it wakes me up and I’m like, oh shit, did I do that?

Did she notice that?

And then I’m sitting there in the bed like, I hope she didn’t know this.

She notices every time.

And then I think if I go to like a separate bathroom and I’m taking a shit in that bathroom, you can’t hear me fart.

But I could Apparently my farts like are trans ruminantal because yeah, that was like, doesn’t matter what I do, I can’t get away from it.

2:24

I fart.

It echoes.

It’s I’m a hard farted apparently.

But I I’m curious to know how long it took your girlfriend to fart in front of you or how long did it take you to fart in front of in front of your girlfriend?

Like was it immediate?

Because my favorite fart stories, at least for couples are like like when I was dating this one girl, the 1st girl I slept with, OK I was it was university.

2:49

I remember one night I snuck up on her and she was looking out her dorm room window.

But at this dorm, the windows were like 1/2 wall, so the whole room on the one side was basically a window.

And I remember one time I snuck up on her and scared the shit out of her.

She freaked out, I left and then I came back later on and then I started tickling her and she farted.

3:09

And like, those are my favorite farts.

My favorite farts are tickle farts, man, ’cause they come up, they’re, they’re like surprise farts.

You know, you don’t, neither of you really expect it.

And then boom, fart.

I don’t care if they stink.

Women have a different fart stink, you know, like dudes have a fart stink.

3:25

Our fart stinks anywhere from like very, it could be like very sharp or like just overall encompassing, like you could taste it, like you can eat it.

You know what I’m saying?

So it doesn’t surprise me that a lot of times as dudes, we do, we play the fart game.

3:43

Like guess what?

You guess what you have for lunch and you can, you can like smell it and then be like, oh, there’s some beans, there’s some rice.

There’s a little bit of, I don’t know what that is.

Would you eat shit like women have a different fart.

Women have more of like a compost, the earthy kind of fart.

Their poops always smell like that.

4:00

I don’t know, it’s fucking weird to me, but I’ve basically tried everything I can to get her to fart.

I’ve tickled her.

She’s pretty good at avoiding the tickle though.

So I’ve tried to tickle her.

Sometimes when we’re lying in bed, what I’ll do is I’ll like, I’ll take her legs and I’ll start pumping them.

4:18

You know, like a like an old time trainer, like an old time well, where you got to pump it like a lever.

I use her legs as a lever to push on her tummy so that she pops out a fart.

No farts, dude.

What else have I done?

I’ve tried to squeeze her like ketchup and then I’ve tried that.

4:37

I’ve tried it a lot.

I don’t know why, but like I’ve I just feel like you you.

I want to see I I need farts, man.

Farts are hilarious, especially to me.

I don’t know if dudes, other dudes feel like this, but like when a girl farts, I find it hilarious because their reaction isn’t like a dude.

4:56

Like a dude’s reaction to a fart is you fart and you’re like, yeah, get a load of my beef, you know what I’m saying?

Whereas a girl, if she farts, it’s always like A and then like a cover your butt and run away ’cause like you’re embarrassed.

There’s no, there’s no shame with dudes and farting, but with women there seems to be a little bit of shame.

5:16

Don’t be ashamed of your farts.

Let the farts out.

Farts are fun.

Farts are hilarious.

Be farty, It’s fine.

So I’m hoping that before the one year mark I can actually get her to fart in front of me.

I’m not even allowed.

5:31

So like I have a bathroom off my bedroom.

She has a bathroom off her bedroom.

When she goes to the bathroom, I have to like close my ears.

I have to close my ears and not hear anything.

Sometimes depending like if she’s if if it’s peas, then I have to go to a different room.

5:48

I have to, or I mean I have to just close my ears, but if I if it’s a poop situation I have to leave the floor.

I have to go downstairs to the living room because I’m not allowed to hear it.

Not that I want to hear her take a shit, but I really want to know what it sounds like when she farts.

6:06

Dude.

I don’t know what my obsession is with this fart situation, but I like, I really need to know fart.

I just like farts.

Farts are hilarious.

My kids and I, we play the fart game.

Like my, my daughters are the worst too.

And I don’t understand it.

6:21

Like my son, he’s got sneaky farts, you know, like they’re silent but deadly.

SPDS I have depends on what I ate and it depends on what time of day it is, but I have all kinds.

I’m always worried about a silent fart because I’m never, I’m never sure if the silent fart is a shit, you know what I’m saying?

6:40

So like, especially if it’s warm, if it’s a warm silent fart, are you not worried that you just shit yourself?

Because I am.

I have to go check all the time.

My youngest, she pushes out farts and like every single time I have to tell her to go to the bathroom and check her pants because I’m convinced that she shit herself.

7:05

You know, my oldest, she just has nasty farts, dude.

And she farts like she’ll hold her farts in all day long because she doesn’t want to fart at school, which I kind of get.

7:21

But as soon as she gets in the car, it’s fucking it’s it’s it’s fart central like nothing.

But she’s like, she’s like Captain fart.

She comes into the house or into the car and it’s I think the car’s starting.

No, it’s her farting.

7:38

My son is quiet and sneaky.

He won’t admit to it.

Like he’ll admit to it if you call him out on it, but he won’t be like fart, I farted.

You know where is like, I’ll announce my fart when I’m about to fart.

I go fart and then fart.

You know, my youngest, she farts and then looks around to see if anybody else laughs because she thinks it’s hilarious.

7:59

So then what she’ll do is she’ll if even in public, dude, if she goes to the mall, she told me a story about crop dusting a bunch of people and the dollar store one day.

Like what kid does that?

What girl does that?

I don’t know any girls that are are ready to just like let farts RIP.

8:17

Most of the time you have to catch them by surprise, you know?

Not my kids, man.

My kids think farting is the funniest thing.

She kept farting.

So when we went to Alberta a while back, she, my oldest daughter, farted on the plane on the way back and I thought it was the guy in front of me.

8:35

Dude, it’s dunk so bad.

We got off the plane and I was like, did you smell that fart?

She’s like, yeah, that was me.

That was her dude.

She stunk up the whole plane.

No plane etiquette these kids have.

My youngest doesn’t really care.

Like she’ll let her fart RIP anywhere she’s going.

8:51

She’ll walk and fart.

My mom, it’s like sometimes depending, like after dinner, if she’s walking around the house, it’s like the farts are propelling her around the house.

You know what I’m saying?

They’re just, it’s just every step she takes now she’s a little older, so like the farts just come out.

9:08

But yeah, my youngest will fart on anybody.

I’m I remember when we got off the plane, when we went to Alberta, she couldn’t, I couldn’t stop farting in the car for whatever reason.

So I was like stinking everybody out.

And then she always used to like fart when she walked by me.

9:26

So like when I was in the airport she would walk by and she would crop dust me all the time.

So on our way to my parents house in Alberta from the airport, we stopped at one point to let the dog out to go to the bathroom and she decided she wanted to get out and walk around as well.

9:44

So as she’s walking around, I’m talking to my dad, The dog’s walking in a circle doing her business.

My daughter comes out, she’s right behind me.

I go, hey, your shoes on tied.

She bends down to tie in her shoe, her tie tie up her shoe.

And I walk over and I hold her head down and I just let one RIP right on the back of her head.

10:02

I call that the assassination fart, the hitman fart because I got her right in the back of the head when she was doing something else.

It was as if she didn’t even know and then she stood up into the fart.

I hate it.

Don’t you hate it when like so this has happened a couple times where I’d be at a store and you’re walking around looking at something and somebody else farts and then you walk through the fart and then somebody else comes into the aisle like use and it looks like you did the fart to.

10:31

That’s the worst.

The worst is taking heat for someone else’s fart bro.

You’d ever want to take heat for someone else’s fart That’s not cool, but it’s also fun being the ninja farter.

10:52

So that like, you’re the guy that drops the fart and then leaves.

It’s like you’re leaving C4 in war, You know, you just, you leave it, you have a detonator, it goes off, you walk through, boom, done.

Like killed, killed a soldier.

You know what I’m saying?

Yeah.

11:08

I really want, I really want to get my girlfriend to fart.

I really hope she farts because, like, that’s the next level of a relationship, isn’t it?

Where, you know, you do all the fun things, You, you you get along.

You’ve kind of figured each other out a little bit.

You’re starting to understand each other more.

11:25

And then all of a sudden fart right out of nowhere.

That’s like there’s a bond to farting, dude.

When you fart in front of somebody else, you’re like linked for life.

11:42

You know what I’m saying, ’cause you can always go back to that moment of like, hey, remember that time I farted?

Tickle farts are the best though.

I don’t tickle fart.

I don’t get, I mean when I get tickled, I don’t fart most people mostly because you have to tickle my feet and like don’t tickle my feet dude.

12:05

I remember my mom used to wake me up because I I would sleep on my stomach with my feet hanging over the bed and my mom would wake me up because it was the easiest way like you could jump on me.

I wouldn’t wake up.

You could push me.

I wouldn’t wake up.

Alarms don’t wake me up.

She would go by and tickle my feet.

That wakes me up.

12:21

Problem is you tickle my feet.

My legs are just going wherever, you know.

So I remember a couple times when I was in high school, she woke me up and I almost kicked her in the head.

And I finally said to her, I was like, look, you got to watch out because like one day you’re going to actually get kicked in the fucking head.

12:37

And I don’t want to kick you in the head.

You’re my mom.

I love you.

You know, sure enough, I don’t remember when it was, but she tickled me and boom, kicked right in the head.

Now, luckily I’m already lying down, so like, you don’t have a lot of leverage.

It wasn’t like I’m doing a swooping Roundhouse kick or something like that.

12:53

It’s just a quick little pop right in the face.

But dude, yeah, she was pissed.

She called my dad.

She said get in here, Gary.

He’ll tell this boy.

He’s like, why?

What do you do?

She’s like, he hit me.

He’s like, you hit your mother.

I was like, well, I was sleeping.

She tickled my foot and she got kicked by my foot.

13:10

I was asleep my foot and you have a problem.

Like you do whatever you want to my foot.

Needless to say, nothing happened.

I remember this is a good one.

13:26

So excuse me.

When we were growing up, I had a dog.

We named this dog Barkley.

He was a Cocker spaniel.

And when we would watch movies, my mom would sit at the edge of the couch, like on the side of the couch where there’s an arm and she would sit almost like in the fetal position.

13:43

So her her arm and head, her head would rest on her arm, which would rest on the arm of the chair.

And then she would, you know, be laying sideways across the couch with her feet kind of with her knees kind of like crooked in a little like V Well, the dog would go into the spot between her legs and the couch.

14:02

And inevitably, anytime we’re watching a movie, she’d let a fart go right on this dog’s head.

The dog would look up you like God damn it and then walk to a different spot.

Well, one time I remember this very clearly.

14:18

My mom is lying on the couch OK.

And I don’t remember how the dog got near her face, but the dog got near her face and the dog just looks at her like he knew, like he had been planning it and he just now obviously we didn’t hear it, but like all of a sudden my mom looks up.

14:40

She’s like, I thought she was going to choke.

It was, it was bad man.

But I feel like that dog ate all day and didn’t shit.

Specifically holding on to that so that he could let it go right in her face to get her back for all the time she’d farted on him.

15:03

Yeah, I got to get my girlfriend to the point where she farts in front of me.

You have to know how someone farts, right?

Like, if you’re going to be with them for a long period of time, hopefully I you got to know how they fart.

You know how they laugh, you know how they cry, You know how they see the world.

15:21

You know their feelings on everything.

You know, you know their their views on like on everything.

And if you don’t know how they fart, I feel like that’s a red flag.

Like you got to know how someone farts if you’re going to spend all your time with them, Mostly because you got to know if every time they fart, you’re going to laugh or you’re going to run because like, you got to know what you’re getting into.

15:51

It’s worse getting farted on, too, like when you’re pressed up against somebody or like, or like, you know, right beside them because like, my daughter, my youngest daughter, what she’ll do is when we’re watching movies, she’ll sit beside me, snug right up.

And then when she has to, when she has to fart, she’ll lift her cheek and, like, press herself up against me so you can feel it on your leg, that warm air and that, like, push, dude.

16:17

That’s something else, man.

You know?

Yeah.

It’s.

Yeah.

No, thank you.

That’s the worst.

Getting farted on or somebody farts right in your face.

You ever had you ever been farted, like caught a fart in the mouth?

16:36

Dude, mouth farts.

Come on.

You got to taste that shit.

You’re not just, you’re not just you’re actually like chewing a chunk of fart, you know?

Yeah, farts could save relationships.

16:55

I think like let’s say you’re going through like if my if my ex-wife and I had had farted on each other more, I think that we wouldn’t have gone down well, I don’t know, maybe there’d be less likely a chance that we went down the divorce Rd. because like again, that’s the out hole, right?

17:15

So like, whatever comes out of there is not going to be pretty, you know?

So I feel like if you’re more invested in your partner’s farts and you’re comfortable and like, that’s a level of a level of comfort that like, I don’t know, it brings you to.

17:35

It’s a bond if you don’t know.

Again, if you don’t know, like imagine.

OK, what about in space?

That’s a good question.

No, what are farts like in space?

Like if you could dribble a drop of water and it’s just a ball floating in the space, like in the air, right?

17:52

If you fart, how long does that fart stay there?

Does it just float in a cloud or does it cause like, I’d imagine that if you’re farting right, then realistically, if you’re going to depict a fart, it’s not a cloud.

It’s like a stream, right?

18:09

So you’d see like kind of like a a cloudy stream floating around, floating around the floating around the room, you know, And how long does it stay there?

Like if you’re in space for six months, is is that going to be there for, I mean, I’m obviously you have, you know, a way to let out air, I would imagine, or a recycle of air.

18:29

But like, well, I guess not because this space just has no atmosphere, right?

Is there air?

There’s no air in space either.

It’s a vacuum of void.

So yeah, I don’t know.

How long does that fart last?

Is there AI?

Don’t know.

There’s so many questions now that would turn me off of being an astronaut alone.

18:49

If you had to live with the like, if I wanted to live like that, I live in the Bush.

You just smell all the shit all the time, you know?

Yeah.

You got to know what it’s like when your partner farts.

19:11

You have to know what you’re getting into.

You have to know if it’s going to be a sense robbery, a robbery of the census or or sorry, an assault on the census, or if it’s going to be get out of here quick situation.

19:28

Because sometimes you can fart and it’s a big, loud, funny fart, but there’s no real after effect, you know, not very often, but it does happen.

Or it’s quick.

Like the stink is quick, you know, I like a nice full fart.

It’s got to have some base to it.

19:47

The squeakers worry me, man.

The squeakers are the ones that make me go.

Did I just shit, you know, yeah.

I hope that in my relationship she accidentally farts in front of me.

20:18

Because I feel like at this point, if it’s on purpose, it takes a little something away from it because I’ve been trying to get it for so long.

I’m different, dude.

20:34

I don’t just try to get in your pants, I try to find out what.

Your farts smell like that’s all part of me dude.

I don’t think she knew she signed up for that one.

You all know what your partner fought like, OK, I like big, loud farts.

20:51

My youngest.

She laughs at the like, if, if she OK, she’s a Ripper.

That’s what I call it.

I call them rippers.

She rips farts like it’s not just a it’s like a, you know what I’m saying?

It’s it’s massive.

21:06

So like, and then she looks to see if you heard it and laugh like everybody heard it.

Dude, you got to fart in front of your girlfriend and you got to get your girlfriend has to fart in front in front of you.

That’s why I feel like the easiest way to do it is like I told you, I squeezed her like ketchup.

21:26

Nothing She can hold on to a fart man.

But see, I’m the type of person where if you are a tougher individual to crack, it becomes my goal to try and get you to either smile or involve yourself in the silly, you know what I’m saying?

21:49

Like this isn’t a fart story, but I once worked for this one guy who was very like, Yep, Nope, OK, now go do this, Now go do that.

Like he was, I don’t know how to describe it, but he was very like dry, I guess you could say.

22:08

And my goal was to get him to laugh because like, I never saw him laugh.

I barely even saw him smile.

Sorry.

That was my goal, to get him to smile.

I never saw him laugh and I never saw him smile.

He was never smiling.

He was always, this is how we do things, you know.

22:25

And then one night we were leaving work and we got we have to go.

I worked at the dump.

So you had you were in a gated area.

So we got to the gate in our cars and we met there at the same time and we got out of the car and we both get to the gate at the same time.

22:41

And then he reaches for the lock.

So I reach for the lock and I’m like, I’ll get it.

And he goes, no, no, I get it.

And he grabs the lock.

And then I grabbed his hand and I go, now we’re boyfriends.

He cracked a smile and he goes, he goes, get the fuck in your car.

23:01

And so all Clint Eastwood asking is like his in a Latin, like a crooked smile.

And then I get in the car and I’m like, I got him.

And then I told the story the next day and found out that he had actually called my boss to tell him what I did.

And they both laughed at me.

But that’s what I try to do.

23:18

So like, I need to know, dude.

I need to know if you’re trying to, if you’re trying to keep your farts from me, I need to know what that fart is going to be like.

I need to get the fart, man.

For the sake of the relationship.

There needs to be an expulsion of gas from from her rear end.

23:41

So let me know.

Let me know what you think you know.

Tell me if I’m off base or like, tell me if I’m I totally see a drop of water on my glasses.

Sorry, I got sidetracked.

Let me know if you think that.

24:00

Let me know when you think it’s appropriate to fart in front of your significant other.

How long does it take?

Is it like, is it, should it only be 8 weeks?

You know?

Yeah, you got to get the farts.

24:17

Anyway, those are my thoughts off the stamp for this week.

I hope you enjoyed the sesh.

I hope you come back next week.

Don’t forget to visit tots420.com.

You can check out the whole catalog of sicious zoos.

You can also check out some blogs on CBD and any other and other cannabis concepts and products and ideas.

24:37

Yeah, I guess that’s really all I had to say today.

I just wanted to discuss farts, but I hope you enjoyed the sesh.

I hope that the I hope that life is good to you.

You know, until next time, keep your lids low baby.

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